USS Texas: “The Most Gangsta Battleship Of All Time”
The Fat Electrician has a tribute video for USS Texas (which is still undergoing refurbishment).
“Today we’re talking about the most gangsta battleship of all time: The USS Texas, predating both World Wars, being built in 1914.”
“It’s commonly referred to as the last dreadnought. But it’s not technically a dreadnought, belonging to the New York-class of battleswhips, which were commonly referred to as super-dreadnoughts.” It was a class of two, with only the New York and the Texas. There was a pre-dreadnought USS Texas laid down in 1889 and scrapped in 1911.
“They had the largest guns ever put on a boat up to that time. That would be the Mark 1, capable of launching two 14 inch shells that weighed nearly 1,600 pounds apiece. The USS Texas had five of them, two in the front and three in the back. It was like a freedom sedan.”
They also had ballistic calculators and analogue computers, making them the most accurate naval guns in the world at the time. Plus a whole bunch of smaller guns.
“It was the first ship in history to incorporate anti-aircraft guns.”
“As well as having a 12″ thick hull, an entire freedom foot of Pittsburgh steel. The only thing millimeters is going to do to that is scratch the paint.”
It was the first ship to have a compliment of Marines onboard. “They let the water grunts drive the biggest gun ever made.”
The USS Texas saw “almost no combat” in World War I. Via Wikipedia: “Texas’s service with the Grand Fleet consisted entirely of convoy missions and occasional forays to reinforce the British squadron on blockade duty in the North Sea whenever German heavy units threatened.”
“But it’s actions in World War II made it a naval legend.” Lots of newer, more powerful ships than the Texas, but the Texas was the only battleship to engage the enemy in all five theaters.
“D-Day, June 6, 1944. The Texas would take it’s position 12,000 yards off the coast of Normandy.” It fired 235 rounds at German fortifications in just under 54 minutes. “That is four hundred and eight thousand pounds of ammunition.”
“The Texan was shooting the enemy with about three spicy Volvos a minute.”
“I’m trying to tell you the Grim Yeeter over here bitchslapped the enemy’s coastline with an entire car dealership in the amount of time it takes you to watch a TV show.”
Continued bombarding until running out of ammo June 11, at which point it went back for resupply. By the time it was back, allied troops had driven the enemy so far inland its guns couldn’t reach. So it moved in to 3,000 yards, the closest it could get without beaching the ship.
“It’s at that point the Texas said ‘Hold my beer’ and flooded all the blister tanks on the starboard side, tilting the entire boat, changing the angle of the guns, allowing them to reach further inland.”
“They gangster leaned a 32 thousand ton warship so they could continue to engage the enemy. This might be the most grunterrific moment in world history.”
“It’s not technically a war crime. Geneva didn’t even necessarily know that shit was a fucking option.”
The Texas would go on to fight at Okinawa and Iwo Jima.
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9 Responses to “USS Texas: “The Most Gangsta Battleship Of All Time””
Obviously you watch the Fat Electrician’s YouTube videos, Lawrence. But for all you other readers here, believe me: if you haven’t seen his work, you’re in for a treat. Highly, highly recommend.
The battleship makes for a good “offshore-shore battery” where it’s vulnerability to air attack is minimized.
As an offensive asset, it could be positioned near the Panama Canal and used to interdict the caravan of alien invaders from South America. Bully!!
Given that monuments to Teddy Roosevelt are being toppled, is seems safe to say the expansionist outlook that gave rise to the battleship has effectively sunsetted.
If it has any legs remaining, it would be as a mega-patrol boat, sinking maritime drug cartel assets or lobbing spicy Volvos into the heart of Honolulu as a gentle reminder from the USSC that the Bruen decision will brook no dissent.
“They had the largest guns ever put on a boat up to that time. That would be the Mark 1, capable of launching two 14 inch shells that weighed nearly 1,600 pounds apiece.”
Only not, since HMS Queen Elizabeth joined the Royal Navy a year earlier armed with 15″ guns (with shells over 1900 lbs a piece.) New York may have been the first US BB with 14″ guns, but she never had the biggest guns in the ocean, albeit with her ten shells per broadside volley massing marginally more than a QE‘s eight
They had a live aboard program back in the day, spent the night there. Quite the experience. Our cub scouts loved it. I am glad to see they are going to save it once again.
“They had the largest guns ever put on a boat”
Not a “boat”, a ship.
Part of the shtick.
Obviously you watch the Fat Electrician’s YouTube videos, Lawrence. But for all you other readers here, believe me: if you haven’t seen his work, you’re in for a treat. Highly, highly recommend.
Only 1 crew fatality in combat.
The battleship makes for a good “offshore-shore battery” where it’s vulnerability to air attack is minimized.
As an offensive asset, it could be positioned near the Panama Canal and used to interdict the caravan of alien invaders from South America. Bully!!
Given that monuments to Teddy Roosevelt are being toppled, is seems safe to say the expansionist outlook that gave rise to the battleship has effectively sunsetted.
If it has any legs remaining, it would be as a mega-patrol boat, sinking maritime drug cartel assets or lobbing spicy Volvos into the heart of Honolulu as a gentle reminder from the USSC that the Bruen decision will brook no dissent.
“They had the largest guns ever put on a boat up to that time. That would be the Mark 1, capable of launching two 14 inch shells that weighed nearly 1,600 pounds apiece.”
Only not, since HMS Queen Elizabeth joined the Royal Navy a year earlier armed with 15″ guns (with shells over 1900 lbs a piece.) New York may have been the first US BB with 14″ guns, but she never had the biggest guns in the ocean, albeit with her ten shells per broadside volley massing marginally more than a QE‘s eight
If anyone is interested I wrote a book about the Texas. Battleship Texas
They had a live aboard program back in the day, spent the night there. Quite the experience. Our cub scouts loved it. I am glad to see they are going to save it once again.
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