Syria’s Civil War Unfreezes

December 2nd, 2024

And the latest long-simmering hotspot to flare up overnight is (spins wheel) SYRIA!

Who had their chips on Syria?

The Syria civil war has more or less been frozen for the last, what, two years? That’s not the case anymore, as the anti-Assad forces just launched as massive attack that has Assad’s forces on their heels.

All those green flags are anti-Assad attacks. More from JihadWatch.

Syrian Islamist rebels appear to have made stunning territorial advances against the forces of Syrian President Bashar Assad on Friday, re-entering the city of Aleppo for the first time in eight years amid the apparent collapse of government defenses in the area.

Unconfirmed videos on social media suggest that rebel fighters from Hayat Tahrir al-Sham and other groups captured parts of western Aleppo, which was Syria’s most populous city prior to the country’s ongoing civil war, which broke out in 2011.

Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) emerged as an al-Qaeda splinter faction, although it now rejects affiliation with the terror group. The United States designated HTS as a foreign terrorist organization in 2018.

The offensive marks the rebels’ most significant advance, following years of stalemate in northwest Syria, with Turkish-backed rebels and HTS holding a narrow strip of territory around the provinces of Idlib and Afrin.

Turkey and Russia signed a ceasefire in 2020 after agreeing to turn Idlib into a “de-escalation zone” in 2018.

There are supposedly some pro-Assad holdouts in Aleppo.

The interesting thing about Syria is a that it’s a back-burner conflict that ties into all the other conflicts in the region. Iran backs Syria, as well as Hamas and Hezbollah, against Egypt. Syria also backs Hezbollah, both against Israel and to maintain a level of control over neighboring Lebanon. Turkey backs some of the jihadist forces fighting against Syria, while others are backed by, I don’t know, pick a random Sunni dynastic petrostate and you’ve probably got fair odds of being right. Russia also backs Syria, and is also its number one arms supplier.

And what do Iran, Hamas, Hezbollah and Russia all have in common? They’ve all been getting heir asses kicked in regional conflicts, either by Israel or by Ukraine, both of which are backed by the United States.

Now must have seemed like the right time to settle Assad’s hash, with his catspaw Hezbollah absolutely wrecked by Israel and Russia too busy with their own conflict(s) to offer much if anything in the way of aid.

Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) split off from al Qaeda and has evidently ruthless destroyed any al Qaeda fighters it can find, so…yay? They’re still jihadist scumbags, and have split/merged/changed acronyms five or six times since I last looked at the Syrian Civil War.

A Hayat Tahrir al-Sham-led Syria would probably be just as hostile to Israel…but not aligned with Iran.

Half a yay?

Russia responded to the collapse of Assad forces in Aleppo by…buggering out of Hama.

Is the Assad regime about to fall? Maybe, as military collapse can become contagious, but Aleppo is a long way from Damascus. Remember, the Islamic State was racking up victory after victory right up until it wasn’t.

I imagine Assad’s forces will be able to hold the capital, where resistance will stiffen up. Even before then, Homs probably won’t be a cake-walk either, but there’s also speculation that anti-Assad forces will try to take various Syrian post cities, which would put considerable economic pressure on Assad.

Assad looks to be in deep trouble, but he’s slithered out of sticky predicaments before. Odds are he’ll survive this time as well, though no doubt seriously weakened.

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Posted in Foreign Policy, Jihad, Military | 11 Comments »

Ryan Long On “Activists”

December 1st, 2024

“Lazy Thanksgiving Weekend Video Blogging” continues here at BattleSwarm, with a random Ryan Long comedy bit on activists.

“I feel like vegans are the most hated activist group vegans get so much shit. People will be like ‘FUck you. You’re like that pedophile. They’re like ‘behind him there’s a vegan!'”

Plus a bit on cryptocurrency.

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Posted in Social Justice Warriors, video | No Comments »

USA vs. Russia: Who Wins?

November 30th, 2024

A certain commenter on a certain thread asserted that the Russo-Ukrainian War continued because “Putin determined that he could thoroughly degrade the military power of the United States.”

Yeah. No.

Rather than a detailed, point-by-point refutation, I’m going to let Habitual Linecrosser do they heavy lifting on this one.

Plus Thanksgiving weekend is seriously impacting my blogging bandwidth, so it’s going to be a few days before you get any sort of LinkSwarm…

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Posted in Military, video | 18 Comments »

Prepper/Black Friday Shopping Guide

November 29th, 2024

Since I know many of you will be shopping on Black Friday, here’s A.) Listing some basic prepping and cold weather gear, and B.) Providing possible gifts or purchases for items I approve of.

I’ve included Amazon links, but for some items (like batteries), Sam’s or Lowes tends to offer better prices. But a lot of these do seem to have Black Friday savings prices.

The Basics

Here are some all-purpose tools everyone should already have, listed here for completeness sake.

  • First aid kit: There are a lot of different makes and models of these, and I think Sam’s offers a kit that’s a bit cheaper than this one. Has a little bit of everything. A good thing to keep in your car for emergencies.
  • Smoke alarm: Everyone should already have these, but if you don’t, or want more, this has a silence button so you can put it in your kitchen. These seem to be made in Mexico, but First Alert also makes stuff in China, so caveat emptor.
  • Carbon Monoxide detector. Doesn’t say, but I suspect it’s another item made in China. There are some combination carbon monoxide/smoke detectors, but I think you want to avoid the possibility of a single point of failure. You also need to replace these about every ten years anyway.
  • Fire Extinguisher: Every home should have at least one, and make sure it’s not expired. This is what I have (I think it’s made in Mexico), but fortunately I’ve never had to use it.
  • Water leak detector: A lot of people don’t have these, but I consider them essential basic gear, as they can save you hundreds or thousands of dollars in water damage. I had one of mine go off a week before the ice storm hit because a shutoff valve I had closed to plunge an overflowing toilet had started leaking. Usual made in China caveats apply, but it’s very simple tech (two parallel wires on the exterior that water closes the circuit and sets off when wet). That link goes to a 5-pack of the brand I have, because I recommend putting one behind every toilet, under every sink you use, under your water heater, and next to your washing machine (I’ve had mine start rocking for an unbalanced load that pulled the drain hose loose). However, that 5-pack has gotten pretty pricey, so here’s an even cheaper five pack from another manufacturer (also made in China) that I have no experience with.
  • Speaking of plunging toilets, I imagine everyone already has a plunger, but if you don’t, here’s one, and you might consider one for each bathroom, or at least each floor. Also, the black bell shaped ones are a lot more effective than the small old red ones.
  • Speaking of things everyone should already have more of, everyone needs flashlights. This Goreit flashlight seems bright, cheap, and gets pretty good reviews. The highest rated flashlight on Amazon is the Streamlight 75458 Stinger DS, which is fairly pricey. I assume it’s brighter and with a longer life, and maybe you have a use case that justifies the cost. And speaking of ridiculous lights I have no use case for…
  • The IMALENT MS18 is evidently so insanely bright that it has its own cooling fan. Here’s a video of how insane it is. And if you have flashlights, chances are you’ll also need…
  • Batteries. D-Cells are still used in a lot of things, and you’re going to want, at a minimum, enough to reload every flashlight twice, which should be enough to get you through a couple of evenings of power outages. Check your flashlights every six months when you check your smoke and CO detectors. Speaking of which, those and the water leak detectors take 9 volt batteries, and you want enough around to be able to change out every battery in your detectors as needed. Those links go to Duracells, which I’ve been pretty happy with.
  • Car jump starter: Much better than jumper cables, and can save you money when you have a dead battery, or because it’s just not cranking in the cold.
  • Gas And Water Emergency Shut Off Tool. The Orbit 26097 provides a water shutoff valve, a gas shutoff valve, manhole cover lift tool, and a rubberized grip. You need one of these for the same reason you need a water leak detector, i.e. it will greatly limit damage before the plumber gets there.
  • Sawyer Products Water Filtration System: If you’ve ever been under a water boil notice, the Sawyer system is Good Enough to get you through, even if it is a slight pain to fill and squeeze the bag enough times for my dogs and I to drink (but still less of a pain that boiling water and waiting for it to cool).
  • Duct tape is useful to have year-round, but especially during an emergency, to patch a small leak or keep something together until the emergency is over and you can replace it. Link goes to 3M all-weather duct tape, which is better than the generic stuff for outside tasks, like sealing around the edge of a faucet cover.
  • 12 pack LED Tea Lights. This is a strange one. These mimic flickering candlelight, and I bought them for Halloween decorations, for which they worked well enough. I think they’re just bright enough and cheap enough for a few use cases around the house in an extended power outage. You can probably (just barely) read with them by holding them right next to the page, but I think they would be most useful for providing acceptable light in places like bathrooms, at the top and bottom of dark stairways, on dining tables, etc.

    • Cold Weather

    Here are some specific prep items for cold weather:

  • Faucet Covers. If you’re a homeowner, you probably already have those, but if not, here they are, and they seem to work better than a rag or dripping the faucet, and neither of my faucets busted in the ice storm. That link goes to the cheap Styrofoam version, but these plastic ones look a bit bigger and stronger.
  • O’Keeffe’s Working Hands cream: I walk my dogs 2-3 times a day pretty much every single day of the year, and I found my hands getting cracked and raw in the cold, even through gloves. O’Keeffe’s Working Hands fixed the problem. I frequently give this stuff out as Christmas gifts.
  • Carmex lip balm. A small, cheap jar that solves the chapped lips problem in winter. I know some people prefer Chapstick, but to me the main result of using Chapstick is that 30 minutes later you fell a need to use more Chapstick.
  • Kerasal Intensive Foot Repair for cracked and painful feet. Podiatrist recommended! Full review here.
  • De-icing spray. You can stand there for 15 minutes ineffectually scraping your frozen windows like William H. Macy in Fargo, or you can keep a bottle of this in your trunk.

    • Non-Prep “Stuff You Might Need”

    Here are things I’ve bought I’m happy with.

  • Have trouble getting to sleep at night? Have you tried Melatonin? All I can say is that it works for me (sometimes boosted with generic Acetaminophen PM, which you can buy cheap at Sam’s).
  • I’d been having trouble finding plain white T-shirts soft enough to sleep in, but these work really well.
  • Silicone oven mitts: My cousin used these last Thanksgiving and I was impressed with them. They work great and don’t seem to wear out as quickly as cloth mitts do.
  • If you haven’t seen The Death of Stalin yet, I highly recommend it.
  • Speaking of 1970s TV detectives, we’ve been working our way through the complete Rockford Files, and the set is a pretty good value for the money, if you don’t mind the paper sleeves.
  • If you like offbeat science fiction and fantasy, you might try this two volume Avram Davidson set, set up as print-on-demand books from the Avram Davidson society. At 100 stories, it’s a lot of bang for your buck.
  • Do you collect Arkham House books? probably a long shot for this blog, but if so, Don Herron and John D. Haefele’s Arkham House Ephemera: The Classic Years 1937 —1973: A Pictorial History & Guide For Collectors might be for you. A POD book, this is just what the title says, a pictorial history of Arkham House ephemera (catalogs, review slips, etc.) issued from the press’s founding up through 1973. The book is actually useful even if you don’t collect ephemera, as the full catalogs show when books went out of print and how much they were going for, etc.

    • I know I should be better at offering up Amazon offerings to rake in the filthy lucre, but I don’t tend to buy books and DVDs/Blu-rays from them. Mostly the things I buy from Amazon are vitamins and dog treats, which aren’t exactly exciting link fodder…

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    Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

    A Babylon Bee Thanksgiving

    November 28th, 2024

    Happy Thanksgiving! A hope all of you have a great day eating too much food with your family and love ones!

    For those left-wing sorts, the Babylon Bee provides a handy guide (in their usual helpful way) for “How to Talk to Your Racist MAGA Uncle This Thanksgiving.”

  • “I’m a good, tolerant person and they’re all terrible, intolerant people. And how can I find common ground with these rednecks who are literally Hitler?”
  • “First, try slowly and articulately explaining to him how he is a racist, a bigot, a Nazi, and just an overall garbage person.”
  • “Sometimes your family might disagree with you and attempt to use far right tactics such as facts and logic.” So obviously you should run away and hide in your safe space…

    • Enjoy!

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    Posted in Democrats, Social Justice Warriors, video | No Comments »

    Walmart Abandons Wokeness

    November 27th, 2024

    It’s pretty big news when the largest retailer in America abandons wokeness.

    Anti-woke crusader Robby Starbuck has been on a mission to shift the corporate landscape in America from insanity and rainbows to what he considers “sanity and neutrality.” He has successfully pressured companies such as Tractor Supply, John Deere, Harley-Davidson, Polaris, Indian Motorcycle, Lowe’s, Ford, Coors, Stanley Black & Decker, Jack Daniel’s, DeWalt Tools, Craftsman, Caterpillar, Boeing, and Toyota to move away from toxic Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) practices.

    Now, Starbuck is at it again. He wrote on X that America’s largest employer, Walmart, has decided to end its woke policies after he “had productive conversations to find solutions” with management.

    He stated that the changes Walmart committed to “will send shockwaves throughout corporate America,” adding that their executives deserve “major credit” for wanting to end corporate wokeness.

    “This is the biggest win yet for our movement to end wokeness in corporate America,” Starbuck said.

    Here are the changes Walmart committed to:

  • Surveys: Walmart will no longer participate in the HRC’s woke Corporate Equality Index.
  • Products: Monitor the Walmart marketplace to identify and remove inappropriate sexual and / or transgender products marketed to children.
  • Funding of Grants: Review all funding of Pride, and other events, to avoid funding inappropriate sexualized content targeting kids.
  • Equity: We will not extend the Racial Equity Center which was established in 2020 as a special five-year initiative.
  • Supplier Diversity: We will evaluate supplier diversity programs and ensure they do not provide preferential treatment and benefits to suppliers based on diversity. We don’t have quotas and won’t going forward. Financing eligibility will no longer be predicated on providing certain demographic data.
  • LatinX: Walmart will no longer use the term in official communications.
  • Trainings: Walmart will discontinue racial equity training through the Racial Equity Institute.
  • DEI: Walmart will discontinue the use of DEI as a term while ensuring a respectful and supportive environment. Our focus is on Belonging for ALL associates and customers.

    • Starbuck continued:

    Remember, Walmart is the #1 employer in America with over 1.6 Million Employees and they have a market cap of nearly $800B. This won’t just have a massive effect for their employees who will have a neutral workplace without feeling that divisive issues are being injected but it will also extend to their many suppliers.

    We’ve now changed policy at companies worth over $2 Trillion dollars, with many millions of employees who have better workplace environments as a result. I’m happy to have secured these changes before Christmas when shoppers have very few large retail brands they can spend money with who aren’t pushing woke policies. Companies like Amazon and Target should be very nervous that their top competitor dropped woke policies first. I think Target specifically will suffer serious sales problems as a result and Walmart will benefit.

    Our campaigns are now so effective that we’re getting the biggest companies on earth to change their policies without me even posting a story outlining their woke policies. Companies can clearly see that America wants normalcy back. The era of wokeness is dying right in front of our eyes. The landscape of corporate America is quickly shifting to sanity and neutrality. We are now the trend, not the anomaly.

    We are winning and one by one we WILL bring sanity back to corporate America.

    Kevin O’Leary on Fox Business had some choice things to say:

  • “Target is a great example. When they got into the gender identity stuff, they got slaughtered.”
  • “You’ve got to start punishing stupidity at the management level.”
  • They now teach Bud Light in schools as a cautionary example of what not to do.

    • Indeed, O’Leary called the Bud Light debacle “a complete combination of idiot management and the inability to read the room.”

    This particular turn of phrase stuck out to me, because I remember, very clearly, that the phrase “read the room” was used like a club  to justify whatever woke idiocy was coming down the pike at the time: Football players kneeling, defunding the police, treating #BlackLivesMatter riots as justification to break Flu Manchu quarantine, etc. It was a lie based on systemic preference falsification then, but more than true now, as America as a whole is done with wokeness.

    Walmart is a big, big domino, and expect most of American companies looking to toss all their woke idiocy on the dunghill of history, no matter how much their HR department might object.

    Pink slip by pink slip, progress is made.

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    Posted in Democrats, Social Justice Warriors, video | 9 Comments »

    Babylon Bee On Democrats Rethinking Their Approach

    November 26th, 2024

    The Babylon Bee just dropped a video on Democrats “rethinking” their approach.

  • “The election did not go as we planned it.” “Only because the voters are racist, misogynist garbage.”
  • “I don’t understand. We all said that if Trump won, it’d be the end of democracy, and that there would never be another election.”
  • “So one group that we have to get better with is Latinx men. Okay. They don’t like us and they don’t like being called Latinx men.” “Stupid idiots.”
  • “We cannot just start calling them Latino and Latina. That would be buying into the patriarchal gender binary.”
  • “So is there another letter that we can tack on to Latin?”
  • “Latine. But we but we actually pronounce it Latiné. Like, with one of those Mexican line thingies on the top. Yeah, it’s not as cumbersome as Latinx, but it’s still forced and pretentious enough to make it clear that we’re better than anyone else that doesn’t say it this way.”
  • “A lot of people are frustrated with the performative announcement of pronouns, the drag queen story hours, the chopping off of children’s body parts.” “Stupid idiots.”
  • “You know, when people don’t agree with us we usually just yell at them. ‘You’re transphobic!’ Well, what if instead of that, we yell it even louder!”
  • “I’d rather lose being right, comforted by the knowledgethat everyone else is garbage, than win being wrong. I’d rather get the approval of Rachel Maddow, the ladies of The View, and those kids out there calling for the murder of the Jews than pander to a bunch of lousy racists for a couple of votes.”

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    Posted in Democrats, Social Justice Warriors, video | 1 Comment »

    ShoeOnHead Rips The Dems

    November 25th, 2024

    Back before I was suspended on Twitter (I’m still suspended, since the Twitter/X appeals process is broken), I followed ShoeOnHead, who frequently had sane things to say about the lunacy of the left. I think she blocked me because I noted she was wrong about transexism, but this nice rant showed up in my feed recently.

  • “New York was closer to flipping red than Florida was to flipping blue.”
  • Where she’s coming from: “I voted for Bernie in the primaries in 2016 and I watched as the Democratic party did everything in their power to destroy this man. Twice. So it is safe to say I am a little biased when it comes to the Democratic Party.”
  • “You idiots! You morons. You imbeciles! Kamala Harris? Really? That’s who you threw up there? The one who dropped out before Iowa? The one who got blown the out by Tulsi Gabbard. Why didn’t you hold a primary? Aren’t you the saviors of democracy?
  • “Oh, big congratulations to Tim Walz on being the first white male DEI hire. It didn’t work. The DNC completely neutered that guy, reduced him to this weird token white man. “Hello, fellow men. I do play football.”
  • A nice slam on the Liz Cheney/#NeverTrumper idiocy.
  • A discussion of how young came out in force to vote for Trump…and of feminists openly wishing for them all to die.
  • “‘We need a liberal Joe Rogan!’ You had a liberal Joe Rogan! His name was Joe Rogan!” Dave Rubin and Jordan Peterson (among others) have made this point as well.
  • “Democrats can’t have a Joe Rogan, because everything that makes Joe Rogan Joe Rogan is not allowed on the left.”
  • Plus a discussion of populism.

    • I’d advise watching the whole thing. You probably won’t agree with everything, but you might with a good 80-85% of it…

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    Posted in Border Control, Democrats, Elections, Social Justice Warriors, video | 4 Comments »

    Flu Manchu Fraudapalooza

    November 24th, 2024

    Flu Manchu lockdowns bankrupted numerous American businesses (restaurants were particularly hard hit), but the firehose of taxpayer money the feds turned on also made a whole lot of people rich, including several fraud artists.

    Some are being brought to justice.

    First up: Rapper NBA YoungBoy pleads guilty in Utah prescription drug fraud ring.

    A Louisiana-based rap artist pleaded guilty Monday to his role in a large-scale prescription drug fraud ring that operated out of his multimillion-dollar home in Utah.

    Rapper NBA YoungBoy, whose real name is Kentrell Gaulden, walked into a courtroom in Logan, Utah, with his head hung low as he entered the plea for his part in the alleged scheme, KTVX-TV reported.

    The 25-year-old rapper was originally charged in the Logan District Court with 46 charges related to the alleged crime. On Monday, he pleaded guilty to two counts of third-degree felony identity fraud, two counts of third-degree felony forgery and six counts of misdemeanor unlawful pharmacy conduct. Gaulden entered a “no contest” plea to the remaining charges.

    As part of a plea deal, Gaulden will not serve prison time in Utah. Instead, his four felony charges were reduced to Class A Misdemeanors and he was ordered to pay a $25,000 fine, the television station reported.

    District Judge Spencer Walsh agreed to suspend a prison sentence as Gaulden is expected to serve a “substantial” 27 months in federal prison for related charges in a case stemming out of Weber County, Utah. Following his release, Gaulden will then be placed on five years of federal supervised probation.

    (Hat tip: Dwight.)

    Closer to home, another Harris County official was indicted for fraud that involved a coronavirus testing program.

    Former Harris County Public Health Executive Director Barbie Robinson has been charged with felony misuse of official information in what may have been yet another bid-rigging scheme coordinated with county contractors.

    Fired from her post last September, Robinson allegedly used her private email to coordinate with International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) officials regarding a $31 million contract to craft a social services program called Accessing Coordinated Care and Empowering Self Sufficiency (ACCESS) that the company would later bid to provide.

    Last week Robinson was charged with misuse of official information, a third-degree felony which carries a possible sentence of two to 10 years in jail and fines of up to $10,000.

    Before working for Harris County, Robinson had previously served as the director of the Sonoma County Department of Health Services where she also worked with IBM to create a nearly identical ACCESS program to coordinate county services for low-income residents.

    According to emails obtained by the Texas Rangers, Robinson appears to have exchanged emails with IBM officials shortly after she was hired by Harris County in the spring of 2021. Communications included discussion of “sole-source” contracts that might be exempted from competitive bids.

    In July 2021, the county paid IBM $45,000 to put on a workshop to discuss creation of an ACCESS-style program, and in early November 2021 Robinson continued to use her personal email to coordinate with IBM to craft a scope of work document in the weeks and days before the county issued a public request for proposals.

    Robinson came under fire earlier this year for communications surrounding a $6 million contract awarded to DEMA, a California-based company, to run Harris County’s Holistic Assistance Response Teams (HART).

    According to scoring documents obtained by the Houston Chronicle, DEMA won the contract for HART services by a fraction of a point over The Harris Center for Mental Health and Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities, a state-funded agency with experience in responding to 911 calls. DEMA’s overall score was 72.88, while the Harris Center earned 72.5. Robinson awarded DEMA 70.5 out of 100 points compared to 66.5 for the Harris Center, and she and other evaluators awarded points to DEMA for a list of references.

    DEMA was awarded more than $26 million in no-bid contracts in Sonoma County but lost the contracts after a 2023 investigation by The Press Democrat found billing of at least $800,000 for non-existent positions.

    Early in 2021, Robinson had been instrumental in bringing DEMA to operate COVID-19 testing sites in Harris County. In a September 2021 email, DEMA CEO Michelle Patino offered her a contract for legal consulting, even though Robinson is not a practicing attorney.

    Last June a Harris County auditor’s report found that nine invoices had position titles and rates that were not supported by the contract, that DEMA was not registered to conduct business in Texas when the contract was executed, and that the company did not have required insurance coverage.

    In response to a Texas Public Information Act request from The Texan for scoring documents related to the IBM contract for ACCESS Harris County, the county attorney’s office appealed to the Texas Office of the Attorney General for an exemption.

    Earlier this year, The Texan learned that in January 2024, Robinson also contracted with Yuba County, California to provide services for a three-year period. Robinson’s work for Yuba County’s public health department provided her with nearly $200,000 in compensation for hundreds of hours of work, all while managing Harris County’s public health department.

    In response to the indictment, Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo accused District Attorney Kim Ogg of “weaponizing” the district attorney’s office and claimed that Ogg simply did not like the successful program created by Robinson.

    It seems like Democratic activists view every government program as a potential source of graft to line their pockets with, and Flu Manchu funds were passed so quickly and with such little oversight that they provided especially tempting targets for the usual suspects to stick in their snouts.

    Hopefully unsupervised barrels of money like this are going to be on DOGE’s chopping block in the incoming Trump Administration.

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    Posted in Crime, Democrats, Texas, Waste and Fraud, Welfare State | 4 Comments »

    Jaguar Stepped In It. How They Can Step Out Of It.

    November 23rd, 2024

    Everyone and their dog has been commenting on Jaguar’s outbreak of woke idiocy.

    Initial reaction:

    Not only is it woke gender bending nonsense, its sins are compounded by the meaningless platitudinous nature of the generically rebellious message, a sad technicolor echo of Apple’s “Think Different” campaign more than a quarter-century after the original.

    I wasn’t going to comment on this, because I didn’t think I had a new angle on it. Then I realized I did!

    Ever see the 1990 Dudley Moore movie Crazy People? There’s no reason you should, as it’s not particularly good. In it, an ad executive snaps and starts producing ads that tell the truth. Including this gem:

    “Jaguar: For men who like handjobs from beautiful women they hardly know.”

    The thing is, if they had actually run that ad rather than the Colorform Gender Bending Extravaganza, they would have done less damage to their brand. Feminists would scream at it, but it wouldn’t offend its core male car-buying target demographic, who would just laugh at it.

    Because I’m a problem solver, I’m going to tell Jaguar (or, more accurately, Tata Jaguar Land Rover, as they’re now part of an Indian automotive conglomerate) how to fix their problem overnight with a new ad.

    Step One: Fire Jaguar Managing Director Rawdon Glover, the man who just tried to Bud Light your brand.

    Step Two: Pay Richard Hammond $1 million. You want Hammond because he’s a famous, well-liked car personality who happens to own a superb classic Jag:

    Step Three: Have Hammond cut a one minute ad. At the beginning he says “I love old Jags” and then natters on for 25 seconds about what he loves about his restored Jaguar XK150. Then he says “I love new Jags,” and natters on for 25 seconds about the latest F-Type or whatever sports car you’ve given him along with the $1 million. Then at the end he says “I love Jags. There’s nothing wrong with loving something that’s beautiful.”

    That’s it. That’s the message. Do that and people will stop talking about your idiot social justice stunt and you can get back to selling sports cars to slightly cadish, slightly affluent men who can’t afford a Ferrari or Lamborghini.

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    Posted in Social Justice Warriors, video | 9 Comments »

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