“I’ll take Absurd News for $200.”
Russia laid the groundwork for expanding its soft power across North America and Asia with a new executive order signed by Vladimir Putin last week.
The new order provides funds for the search, registration and legal protection of Russian properties abroad, including land and buildings located on the territory of the former Russian Empire and the Soviet Union.
Among the areas affected by the new decree is Alaska, which was sold to the United States in 1867 and still has communities with close ties to Russia.
Central and Eastern Europe, Scandinavia, and large parts of Asia were once part of the former empire.
However, the Institute for the Study of War (ISW) notes that “it is not clear what Russia’s current or historical assets consist of.”
This first of what promises to be multiple Nelsons
You may remember that America bought Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million in 1867.
A second Nelson, because one simply wasn’t enough.
Evidently Putin’s continuing inability to conquer Ukraine, a former vassal state laying right next door, wasn’t enough of a humiliation for him, and he needs to pretend he can go toe-to-toe with the world’s only hyperpower to reclaim the 49th state over a century-and-and half old case of buyer’s seller’s remorse.
Another Nelson, just because.
Let’s, for the moment, set aside the distinct possibility that this declaration of suzerainty over former Soviet states not only implicitly threatens the Baltic Nations, but also Georgia, Azerbaijan, Armenia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and Turkmenistan.
Basically, all the Stans.
Still, the “just wants to watch the world burn” part of me wants to see Pooty-Poot’s Russia try to conquer Alaska, if only because the American reaction to whatever half-assed misexpedition across the Bearing Strait Russia is able to launch might result in the complete seizure of the Kuril-Aleut oil fields in far eastern Siberia. Indeed, I imagine that it wouldn’t even be a week before American air power completely wrecked the fragile Transiberian Railway and Highway, making Russian forces in the far east completely SOL. At that point, an American air and sea bridge from Alaska would still provide more reliable logistical support than Russia’s long, primitive and fragile Transiberian transport network.
One wonders what purpose these vainglorious, unenforceable pronouncements are meant to serve. It’s like an eight year old building a pillow fort in the middle of the living, loudly proclaiming “Better not come in here! It’s my fort!” Only for his mother to ignore it and pick up the couch cushions because The Price Is Right is on.
Maybe no other reason than puffing up Putin’s fragile ego.
Perhaps Putin should limit himself to one unwinnable “Special Military Operation”” at a time…
A final Nelson. For emphasis.
Tags: Alaska, Communism, Foreign Policy, Military, Russia, Russo-Ukrainian War, Soviet Union, Vladimir Putin
Said it before, and I’ll say it again: Putin is the absolute worst thing that has happened to Russia after Communism. They’re going to be studying his reign of stupidity and lost opportunities for centuries to come, and the verdict of history is going to be “…and, then, it got worse…”
Raw fact is that when he took over, Russia was in a demographic and economic decline. He’s done nothing to effectively address the problems, despite having had ample opportunity to do so. Instead, he’s run up this campaign of neo-Tsarist palace building and expansion, while simultaneously allowing and enabling the oligarchs to loot the former state assets. Which he then went about re-nationalizing and turning over to his cronies…
End of the day, he is going to be remembered as a disaster for Russia. This bit of insanity is just the cherry on top of the ice-cream sundae that is Putin’s utter incompetence as a national leader.
If he’d done anything to turn around Russias dropping birth rate and lifespans, he’d go down in history as a great man. He never even addressed the issues. Most of Russia doesn’t even have indoor plumbing, and what they do have at the moment is undergoing rapid self-disassembly because they’ve done nothing to maintain or improve it. Russia has pretensions to being a world power, but can’t keep the heat on in many of its major cities… Telling point, that.
Which ties into the birth rate; who the hell would sign up for raising a kid under those circumstances? Can you imagine the nightmare of trying to do child care in an unheated apartment, without water…?
Not that our own leadership is much better, but Putin is displaying a really special level of “stupid”.
“still has communities with close ties to Russia”
No it doesn’t. There are some Natives on both sides of the straight but there has been next to no interaction there since the end of WW2. There are more Ukrainian immigrants then Russian ones and the population of Russians in Alaska when we bought it was miniscule.
Not to mention the trans-Siberian road and railroad are barely functional and they both go to Vladivostok which is near North Korea.
The locals do not have fond memories of the Russians, at all. The Russians brought their traditional treatment of “lesser beings” with them, and abused the ever-loving snot out of the locals wherever they set up shop…
I suspect that the Russians would be about as welcome as a polar bear sticking its nose in the tent, and would likely get similar treatment.
Good God, I remember having to listen to an Alaskan Native of uncertain (to me, then and now…) provenance, while he went on and on about how badly the Russians had treated his people.
“…Alaska, which was sold to the United States in 1867 and still has communities with close ties to Russia.”
I bought a River Otter fur hat at the Anchorage Fur Rondy 2000, the kind with ear flaps that tie at the top like the Russian police wear. One bitterly cold day I paired it with a red anorak and strolled into an Army surplus store, looking to buy a pair of bunny boots.
There was only one clerk on duty there and he was stationed at the rear of the store with his back to me, arranging some outerwear items for display. He was engrossed in his work and paid no attention to me as I made my way toward him to ask for help.
When I spoke, he turned to face me and his casual manner dissolved into a look of guilt and horror. “What do you want?” he demanded in heavily accented English that betrayed his Russian origin.
It took me a full second to realize that my blonde hair, blue eyes, commie red coat and “Russian police hat” gave me an unsettling resemblance to some vindictive KGB agent who had crossed the Bering Strait to issue an arrest warrant.
Ten years after the Evil Empire fell was not enough time to drive out the demons that called after him from his former life.
I believe few Russian emigres have a longing for Mother Russia and are glad to have escaped.
Finland was part of the Russian empire until 1917…good luck with that.
“Drunken Arctic badgers.”
This is CIA-sourced fake news. The Putin XO is not yet posted on the official President of Russia site, but it has been covered on TASS:
http://en.kremlin.ru/acts/news
https://tass.com/russia/1734479
The “Department of Foreign Property of the Administrative Directorate of the President of the Russian Federation” is their equivalent of the U.S. GSA’s real estate operation:
http://government.ru/en/department/117/
https://www.gsa.gov/real-estate
You actually think the Biden cabal, the DemonRats, or the RINOs will make *any* effort to defend any part of the U.S.? Really?
All Putin has to do is boat his soldiers across (not in uniform, naturally), call them “refugees”, and the Swamp will *pay* them for invading us. See the current situation on our southern border.
Assuming Trump gets back into the White House, he’s going to need to declare Martial Law and go all Pinochet to fix things. Alas, I don’t see that happening:-(.
Reminds me of Dar al-Islam, where any land ever ruled by Islam is forever rightfully part of Islam.
I sort of, kind of agree with jabrwok. Putin doesn’t intend to fight for Alaska. He expects Biden to give it to Russia. The Big Guy will get his 10% in return.
[…] BLINKEN IS ON HIS WAY TO MOSCOW TO FIND A COMPROMISE SOLUTION AS WE SPEAK: Putin Wants Alaska Back. Also, People In Hell Want Icewater. “One wonders what purpose these vainglorious, unenforceable pronouncements are meant to […]
Come and take it!
If Putin decided to take Alaska, what, exactly, would Biden do ? besides piss himself ? we have no bombs left because we used them all in ukraine, evena ssuming president sh*t for brains can actually stay lucid enough to respond at all.
these dopes couldnt stop A BALLOON !!!
FWIW, there has long been some made-up nonsense kicking around in Russia (where LOTS of made-up nonsense seems continually to be kicking around) that Alaska was not sold to the U.S. – but that it was actually a 99-year lease (a la Hong Kong and Britain).
And as far as what’s going on inside Putin’s head (and why all the social-welfare stuff that gets kicked around in “the West,” like “Why is he imperializing when he should be doing Scandinavian welfare state stuff?), his basic idea is that the reason that Russia is a social disaster area (demography, life-expectancy, alcoholism, etc., etc., etc.) is because Russia is weak and not getting its imperial due – and that if he can restore the Empire of the Great Russians, all those problems will just melt away. (BTW, “Great Russians” isn’t a flourish on my part – you can look that loaded phrase up…)
“seller’s remorse”, not buyer’s remorse.
The buyer is quite pleased with the deal over all.
[Fixed. – LP]
There are two conspiracy theories in Russia in regards to Alaska.
One claims the money was never delivered to buy it, and therefore the sale should be considered null and void.
The other claims the Russia version of the contract says it was a lease similar to the British lease of Hong Kong from China. The length of the term varies in the telling.
Either might be seen as a possible pretext by Russia.
We could give them Fort Ross instead, but I’d make them take San Francisco along with it.
“One wonders what purpose these vainglorious, unenforceable pronouncements are meant to serve. It’s like an eight year old building a pillow fort in the middle of the living, loudly proclaiming “Better not come in here! It’s my fort!” Only for his mother to ignore it and pick up the couch cushions because The Price Is Right is on.”
Brilliant analogy. Funny as hell too.
>Putin has reiterated that he is not interested in claiming Alaska
Oh. Well never mind then.
I would have preferred a Russia available as a counter-threat to China.
I see this as Russia calling dibs on Alaska in the event that USA collapses, and preventing China from getting it. Yes, I am serious.
I’m sure Slow Joe and SecState Blinken would gladly sign over Alaska … and for a lot less than $7.2 million. That’s what is so disgusting ’bout Joe, he’s a cheap politician.
“Still, the ‘just wants to watch the world burn” part of me wants to see Pooty-Poot’s Russia try to conquer Alaska, if only because the American reaction to whatever half-assed misexpedition across the Bearing Strait Russia is able to launch…”
But wait! Is The World’s Second Army even remotely capable to cross the straits separating Siberia from Alaska?
Remember, the May 2022 Battle of Siverskyi Donets featured the annihilation of an entire Russian BTG during an attempted crossing of the Donets River.
It may be that the lack of hot and cold running water in the typical Russian household means they will be unable to cope with the seeming novelty of rushing rivers when they are encountered. “The water—eet moves?!”
Similarly, the comparative lack of bathtubs distributed among the Russian populace suggests they will be completely overawed upon encountering the Bering Sea.
The Russian army isn’t even capable of crossing Siberia to get to the Bearing Strait. The main reason the feds would stop a Russian invasion of Alaska is they don’t want to get ahold of all the automatic weapons and explosives when we wipe them out by ourselves.
I seriously doubt that the Russians are capable of power-projecting to defend Siberia, at the moment.
The next twenty-thirty years, Russia’s biggest threat to the world is going to be its effective self-destruction. You thought Afghanistan was a mess after the Soviets left? LOL… That’s going to look like a well-organized affair, compared to what happens when the Russian Federation spins apart. Which it is going to do, and probably a lot sooner than anyone is calculating.
Now, the bigger question is this: Can the United States defend Alaska against any real threat? Which the Russian are not, BTW. China has its eyes on the Arctic, and will likely make an attempt on grabbing some terrain up there.
Of course, there’s no telling what’s going to happen with China, either. My guess is that the abiding lesson of despotism is going to be re-enacted yet again, in both nations. God willing, not simultaneously, but… It will happen. Just like our own set of WEF and associated idiots.