“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers
For he today that stands down with me
on Crispian’s day shall be my brother”
— King Obama V, October 24, 1415, the day before the English surrender at Agincourt
“Come and take it. No, really, come and take this cannon off our hands. It’s just cluttering up the place. We’ll just stand down while you haul it away.”
— Colonel John Henry Obama, commander of Texas forces at Gonzales, before handing over the town’s cannon to Francisco de Castaneda, October 2, 1835, ending the Texas Rebellion
TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STOP
FROM FT SUMTER STOP
UNDER BOMBARDMENT BY REBELS STOP
REQUEST PERMISSION TO COUNTERATTACK STOP
TO FT SUMTER STOP
FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA STOP
STAND DOWN STOP
STRIKE COLORS STOP
SURRENDER FORT STOP
— Telegram exchange, April 12, 1861, a month before the United States government recognized the Confederate States of America.
General George S. Patton, Commander, U.S. 3rd Army: Request permission to relieve 101st Airborne surrounded by Germans at Bastogne.
General Dwight D. Obama, Supreme Commander, Allied Forces in Europe: Attack two German armored divisions? That’s just nuts! Stand down.
— Field message exchange December 23, 1944, three weeks before the Roosevelt-Hitler Peace Treaty was signed
Gen. Douglas MacArthur: Pusan perimeter now stable. Request permission to launch Inchon landing under Operation Chromite.
President Harry Obama: There’s no way we can defeat so many red Chinese. Stand down, withdraw from Pusan, and evacuate all U.S. personnel from the Korean peninsula.
— Message exchange, September 8, 1950
Gen. William F. Garrison, Commander UNOSOM II: Two UH-60 Black Hawk helicopters have crashed in central Mogadishu following raid on Aidid compound. Request permission to send rescue force in to retrieve survivors.
President William Jefferson Obama: Stand down. Our troops could never hope to survive such a hostile urban combat environment. We’ll just have to leave those men behind.
— Message exchange, October 3, 1994, three days before the American withdrawal from Somalia
Tags: Benghazi, Foreign Policy, Jihad, Obama, Obama Scandals, Satire