For all the jokes about Fauxcahontas and the accusations of Affirmative Action fraud, I think we all know who the greatest victim of the blowup over Elizabeth Warren’s Indian ancestry: Elizabeth Warren herself.
Like so many native Americans, she’s been cut off from her people by the cruel actions of the white man. How can any of us of Native American ancestry (I’ve got some Crow and Blackfoot bumping around in my DNA) truly know our heritage, since the white man destroyed all our respective oral traditions in their relentless westward expansion? Is it any surprise that, so shorn of her roots, Elizabeth Warren is unable to pinpoint her Affirmative Action-qualifying Great-Great-Great-Grandmother?
It’s up to us, the great masses of the Internet, to heal Elizabeth’s Warren’s pain by recapturing her tragically lost Indian heritage.
I want those PhotoShop gurus among you (you know who you are) to depict Elizabeth Warren in the Native American traditions that the white man has so cruelly stripped from her past. Submit your artistic masterpiece to me here, either linked from the comments or via email. In two weeks time on Monday, May 28, I will choose the best submission and award a tasteful prize befitting the solemnity of the project.